He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
