you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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