So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize