There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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