I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
