Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
