Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pants are for mortals
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
