would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
