i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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