It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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