She said her name was "party"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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