its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
