I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
