hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
