i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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