What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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