So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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