He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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