It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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