i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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