You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
