creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
