I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
