I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
