I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
