Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
