my vag is so smooth its legendary
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The ass gains better be worth it
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