My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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