watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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