Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
