Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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