Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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