Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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