Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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