Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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