she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
