dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
