I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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