Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
