the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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