worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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