Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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