All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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