How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
