you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
