dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
