And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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