dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
