ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
