just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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