i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
