i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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