At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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