College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Still dying that you shit outside
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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