i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
