"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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