so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
