the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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