I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
