So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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