My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
