Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
