Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
