just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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