dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
