I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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