You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
