Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
