She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize