How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
