As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
