i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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