yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
