Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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